Bali Hai

Bali

Where to begin? As I rode home on my moped yesterday I was composing a million things to write in this post but now I can’t think of where to begin.

We’ve been here for almost three weeks now and school starts on Tuesday. The highs have been very high and the lows very low.

One day I am going to stay here forever. It’s so beautiful. The school is amazing, best place on earth. The people are so interesting, and kind, and mindful and thoughtful.

 

The next day (or even second) I am going home NOW! The school is disorganized and crazy. The people are phonies (not my colleagues, the yogis/gurus everywhere). There is garbage everywhere. (the reasons for that are another post)

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The end of the week was very low because I had Bali Belly and my poor physical health had a huge impact on my mental health.  I think I will focus on what helped me through.

My friend Kristen saying this to me in our gratitude email chain:

no one says taking a huge life leap is easy and boy Jesus you did it – with twin kiddos on your hip. You’re an inspiration – even while pooping – even while sick – even while sad – even while double guessing decisions – you’re an inspiration. There’s no one NO ONE who does something like what you did and settles in – drinks tea and enjoys the view. It’s bumpy and difficult and grumpy.

But you did something amazing. You are learning something invaluable. You are giving your kids a lesson in life they’d never get in a classroom. And you need to keep perspective on that. Happy days- unhappy days. You did something incredible. I admire you.

It’s bumpy and difficult and grumpy. Yes it is. But it’s also beautiful, inspiring, challenging and rewarding.

For my new friend & colleague Rachel at GS who told me that everyone is having meltdowns.  We just don’t see it because we all crawl into a corner, a bathroom stall (composting toilet and all), or wait until we are home to cry.  It’s really not easy picking up and moving across the world. There are many challenges in developing countries, small things we take for granted. The information overload in a new job is also overwhelming.

I need to remember that it’s OK to be overwhelmed. It’s OK to be scared. It’s normal to be lonely and confused. These are all emotions that we westerners tend to repress or hide or deny. I must remember to sit with them and then let them go. I read somewhere that we only actually feel the original emotion for a few seconds, after that our minds keep them going unless we let it pass. So my mantra is going to be, “This too shall pass”.

Let go. Let go. Let go.

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This blog post about being happy no matter where you are by This American Girl also helped me, especially # 23 & 24.

Make peace with discomfort.

Take off the pressure.

I will add some of my own:

Have fun.

Look around and appreciate the beauty of this world.

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3 thoughts on “Bali Hai

  1. Thank you for this! For sharing how you’re feeling and sharing what you’ve learned from it. Because even though we’re not the ones leaping in grand adventures, we still feel a lot of those things and those reminders are unbelievably helpful. As someone back home who likes to think about the ideal version of other places, it`s so grounding to be reminded that EVERY place has its character, its imperfections, its beauty…even home. Really want to know what`s up with the garbage. Happy first day of school!!!!! Also, Kristen who wrote that email sounds really wise; can I meet her?

  2. Erin,

    At our 2004 MBC conference, the message was – when you’re in the room be in the room. Hug your girls and enjoy!

    Thanks for being so honest. Now get out there and make a difference ?

    Gail

  3. You are enough…… and this will carry you through thick and thin.
    I will be following you and Fiona and Sophie.

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